News worthy, The Dreary

Boo, It’s Bin Laden !

Osama Bin Laden Warholl Style

Today was a particularly sweltering day. It is May of course, and my skin had started to change color due to the amount of sunshine I’m absorbing, which means I’m starting to look like Snookie’s Asian cousin. God Forbid.

Anyway, today was also special because here the tension was palpable and instead of watching lame morning shows, almost everyone had tuned into various news channels.

Unless you’re hiding in a cave, y’all must know that the symbol of terror – Osama Bin Laden was killed in the wee hours of the morning by a U.S raid on a house near Abottabad, Pakistan. Rejoice all. What an end.

Except that he was found in Pakistan makes me sweat like a pig profusely. His death meant little, perhaps because uh, we were already in deep shizz before and seeing his bombed corpse being found on our land, well that doesn’t sound very promising, does it? Thank you, You made our lives a whole lot more amazing than they were before.

Oh God, the song playing on YouTube just suddenly changed into a funeral march. Ghost of Osama lingering around?

Mother dearest had interesting views. She doesn’t care. All she does care is, well… it’s a little too explicit to put here. So, I’ll give a clean summary of it.

“Ab toh chalay jayein yeh yahan say, Inhay Osama mil gaya hay, ab humari jaan chor dain!” (they found Osama, they should let us be now)

Sadly, I don’t think that would be the case. We’re just so lovable and six different kinds of adorable that we have foreign forces lurking around on our soil, doing our job for us while we’re soaking up the ultra violet rays getting Snookie-ed, skin cancer etc…Oh, and there was another drone attack? 70 people killed? Hit dat snooze button! Thanks, Bin Laden. There were a couple of other places – Antarctic? Rainforests? Islands infested by cannibals?- but no, you found us terribly hospitable and decided, ”Hey, this is my jam. Whatevs, peeps, Imma crash here…until someone shoots me.”

While we’re on the subject of geography, I was surfing a couple of channels namely CNN, BBC etc and there I found something very irk some. The anchors kept saying Islamabad in place of Abottabad, where our favorite terrorist was found. Abottabad is NOT Islamabad! Go get a map, and look it up before you croak inaccurate facts. They are TWO different places. One reporter had the audacity to say why didn’t the forces just bomb the place instead of taking things “slow”?

Oh yeah, I forgot. This is BOMB-STAN. Lawl. Let me just take out my Kalashnikov from under my highly oppressive burqa as I plot and scheme like a brainwashed Muslim that I am and eat fluffy bunnies for dinner.

Listening now – Bilal Khan- Taare

Yo, Hit me up!