My mother is clearly obsessed with filling the walls of our house with glorious paintings but I don’t think I could ever make her understand that seeing another framed picture of calm placid waters, and lush green grass, coupled with rustic manors would make me foam at the mouth.
Mum: So, what has ‘Nikki’ (My painter friend) been upto?
Me: University. Painting, probz.
Mum: So…I was thinking…this wall needs something.
Me: Oh, which one? You’ve got huge embarassing photos of us everywhere. There’s barely any space left.
(she pretends not to hear)
Mum: Like a painting, y’know!
Mum: …A huge view of the sky! Lovely Blue with white cotton balls floating around. Or she could paint a lake with these cottages –
Me: I’m pretty sure the things she likes to draw are skulls and stuff.
Me: I’m getting one crazy Gothic drawing with skeletons and the usual from her and putting it in my room. Pretty cool, eh?
Mum: Nothing like that is coming in my house!
10 min later:
Mum: …Maybe if you just ask her…This wall is crying for this space to be filled – this beautiful scenery here. Please, just. ask. her.
I love my mother but seriously, our house is overflowing with vases and art. We are not the Greeks, for God’s sake. Jeez, can’t we just replace that with junk food? I know it would make a girl throw jitters of happiness. Of course, no one wants to see me on ‘Pakistan’s Biggest Loser’* that’s why all the cray-cray paintings haunt me.
*I’ll be the happiest girl in the universe if they start the show here. It’s so fascinating to see mounds of fat magically disappearing off of the contestants plus the drama is better than Star plus (Insert gasps of shock and awe) Hardcore stuff.