When I was in school, I had the worst teachers ever. I was miserable. And depressed. And wanted savage goats to dismember their limbs.
Their attitude towards me was of contemptuous nonchalance and since I was always so painfully shy and quiet, I, for years, had to tell my name over and over again. Like a damn mantra. Sometimes, I was also strongly tempted to tell them my name was, “Basheeran Butt-walli” or “Rani Mukherji” (Just because I only knew one Indian actress then)
I digress. What led me down this spiral of distress was the fact that each of my teachers thought I was nothing. I was stupid. I was a dunce. As much as I tried, I could never be as good as the other kids, and this made me angry – and bitter. I had ambitions but I felt they were slipping right out of my hand. I stopped believing in myself.
I think everybody goes through this phase at least once in a while where you want nothing more to wallow in depression and stuff your face in yummeries, and lie huddled up in your blanket and have 27 cats because cats can’t be mean, and they’ll always listen to you if you hold them tightly – unless there is something demonically wrong with them.
The scratches recieved later are only a minor hinderance.
This is normal. You’re beautiful. You’ve got so much inside you that this world has never seen before, and when you think your ambitions or dreams are stupid – Pause. Stop listening to what others say; it’s their job to steer you away but only you are rowing your own boat in this vast sea so why are you letting somebody else take the paddles? This is simply not cool.
Working on your ambitions is hard. Listening to people talk shit about you is hard. Having people ignore you and not know your name is hard .(Basheera Butt-wali is not a difficult name to remember) but that’s life. Wanting things is great, achieving them is even better. It helps you define your identity, it strengthens you. It even makes half of you, makes you realize your own worth. It will tell you that YOU matter, and you’re made of serious bad ass stuff like unicorns and scorpions. Sometimes you’ll fail, just like I did when I tried to run for office in my university elections. I lost, and I felt awful but I realized that I did something unimaginable: I tried doing something I was afraid of, and I succeeded in forcing back the fear of the unknown. The feeling is beautiful. Congratulations, you completed level one!
You have any dreams? Good. Tell me about them. Don’t let anybody incinerate them. Also, whenever you’re feeling worthless. Read this. Again. And Again. Exactly what I’m going to do. Because I wrote this post for myself too.
P.S: One day, I might just sent a letter to my teachers and certain people about this and include love from my my hypothetical cat who is awesome at giving the ‘suck it’ stare. Sweet!