I got mail and I’m going to share it!
“Hey Wassup girl? 😉 You seem chillin’ like Jesus. lol. I lyke your blog and I recently started my own. I want some help with that!! – N.J”
And then he wrote something entirely inappropriate but I ignored that because I was shocked (read: overwhelmed) with this comparison. I mean, Jesus and yours truly in the same sentence? I could totally feel a beam of light from the heavens falling on my head.
Thank you for writing such a nice email. I get tons of emails but yours really just stood out from the rest. It’s unique, straightforward with very interesting usage of vocabulary.
Just Kidding, your email was the first but you have set the bar so high (Literally) for forthcoming emails that it would take a lot of flattery (and bribing me with delectable food items) to upstage your wonderful words. While I can try to be humble, I will save us both from the hassle and accept your compliment. Who doesn’t love the Holy Savior? Well, except for Satanists but they’re all touched in the head. Duh. This reminds me that Jesus is not in my list of inspirational people on face the book (total mea culpa); I will add him straightaway. In other words, I inspire myself, amiright? because I be “chillin'”.
As for the second part of the email, you forgot to specify the help you need. Feel free to drop in another mail – along with a list of nice adjectives and how I’m as amazing as Tina Fey or my musings makes you think of Aristotle.
I will not respond to your last inquiry because it is appalling and gross and I’m pretty sure Jesus would not approve of bizarre mating rituals.
Hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org for anything – except for of course, inappropriate comments.