College Stuff

I See I-Phone 5 Everywhere, Also I’m Getting Old – Wow


I’m sorry for not updating this blog as often as I want to because the semester has officially decided to torture me.

Which means more resentment and hostility coming from here. What joy. Celebrate, y’all.

In other news: I’ve just realized the freshmen are roughly the same age as my little sister – this is totally unacceptable. My bones ache when I see the lot strolling in the cursed university courtyard. I haven’t felt this physically drained since Simon Cowell decided to leave American Idol [which, consequently, led to the massive khoon kharaba (slaughter) of the show]

Also, everybody’s talking about S3s and I-Phone 5 and how they’re going to be buy it even though they already have pretty sick phones, and I’m standing here clutching my ghetto ass loyal Nokia phone from the Roaring Twenties (“OhJesus, that thing is really old, T. Let me shove my wehshi phone in your face, and moan on Face The Book about Slick Phone Problems“)

 

 

 

 

Vom. Stop. Okay?
Also Pakistan doesn’t have 3G or 4G network soo – Yeah, I’ll stick to the relic of a phone I have, thanks.

Anyway, I have to go massage my bunions now, along with trying to come in terms with the fact that my bones are growing old and that every new batch would be younger than the previous one and so God help me, have to continue on with the hate, yes. And graduate. Woot!

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News worthy

 

Absolutely right. This film is a vile piece of crap, yes but attacking your own people (and others) and burning down your own country just to show your outrage is stupid. Stop. We’re playing right into the hands of the ones who want to annihilate us.

 

mohamed el dahshan. economist, writer, speaker, compulsive traveller.

Crossposted at Foreign Policy: Transitions

“I demand the expulsion of diaspora Copts from Egypt,” said a placard held by a young man in jeans and a T-shirt at the U.S. embassy protest here in Cairo yesterday. On a day of absurdity and horror, this offered a bit of comic relief in an otherwise incomprehensible sequence of events.

I keep sighing as I write this.

The story in brief: An idiot makes a really bad film featuring Prophet Mohammed and his contemporaries as a bunch of bloodthirsty idiotic pederasts. According to the film, Muhammad was an illegitimate child, and the Quran was written by his wife’s cousin, and current-day Muslims go around slaughtering Christians. And that’s just in the 13-minute preview that has been making the rounds on the internet (the authenticity of which has been confirmed). Yes, it’s chock-full of all the usual Muslim-hating stereotypes, and then some.

View original post 731 more words

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Oh, The Things I Write About

My Father’s ‘Supportive’ Thoughts On My Impending Weight Loss


Dad: My beta is starting to look very kamzoor (weak)
Dad: No need to diet anymore!
Dad: Filthy internet has started to effect your minds.
Dad: I will buy bananas. Good for health. Tennis players eat bananas all the time!
Dad: What will your relatives say when we go to Lahore? They will look at you and say that we don’t feed our girls enough.
Me: Wow. The horror. Oh daddy, how will we ever bear this shame?
Dad: …
Me: Did you know that I saw a profile of a woman competing in the Olympic race, and she was like 5 foot 5 inches and weighed only 48 kilogram? Ha!
Dad: Did she win?
Me: Um, No.
Dad: Exactly! Had she listened to her father, she would have won. You see, I am wise. Ha-ha.

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News worthy

Of Trampires, And Slut Shaming


When news broke of Kristen Stewart’s alleged infidelity, I was probably doing something considerably less scintillating and not giving a one rupee coin over Robert Pattinson’s various homeless looks that he had donned in the past year, and which we will probably see again because heartbreak requires that you act like a hobo. Basically.

I actually wasn’t going to write anything related to them here, but then the news about these two would just not stop pouring in, and I’m all like, “We get it. She had an affair with someone, and unless he has purple skin and hooves and came from Narnia – There isn’t much of a big shocker here.” But then the shit got even more crazy with videos posted on Youtube by hysterical fans, condemning Stewart for giving into lust – and how could anyone look at anything when they have Pattinson’s hideous haircut good looks to look at?
Then I started seeing merchandise being sold with catchy, cheerful titles like “Kristen Stewart is a Trampire!” and if you don’t want this printed on your shirts, Behold! Here are more choices: “Kristen Stewart F*cking Sucks” or “I Wanna Take a Dump on Kristen Stewart”

What is more astounding is that except for a very few people, no one was bashing the director (with which she had an affair) with as much ferocity, Why the scrutiny and the public shaming, only exclusively, for her? This reminds me of Chris Brown – who can domestically abuse his girlfriend, and still have his records played on the radio and shiny Grammys  be awarded to him but Kristen Stewart, that demonizing whore who is responsible for Pattinson’s achy breaky heart, will be dropped from the sequel of her film – as rumors are suggesting.

Why this slut-shaming? Bashing and attacking a person just because they’ve slept with X number of people is none of anyone’s falafel. Why should I even care? Am I getting a free unicorn?
Someone ( Ali A. Rizvi) on facebook had a really great status which mentioned this:
“Married fifty-something Bill Clinton cheats with a 21 year old intern who is slut-shamed relentlessly until her name is forever synonymous with blowjobs. Yet, he still has strong, educated women swooning over him any time he speaks, to this day.”

Apparently, in Pakistan, popular VJ and actress, Naveen Waqar, recently married another TV personality, Azfar Ali. What created the shit storm was that Azfar was previously married and has two kids. Marriages end and break all the time, right? There is no need to blame someone, right? Wrong.
Her facebook fan page was filled with angry and cray-cray fans, blaming her for breaking Azfar’s marriage. What a ho-bag. How dare she place Azfar at gun point and kidnap a Maulvi so that they could get Nikah-fied!?!?
Some of the comments are:

  • Naveen ki sari value zero ho gai. (Naveen has zero value now)
  • Naveen could have found someone else, breaking a family is not cool.
  • Naveen ko aisa bilkul nae krna chahiye tha….kisi ka ghar barbaad kr k kbhi khush nae rahe gi! (Naveen shouldn’t have done this, ruining a marriage means that she’ll never be happy in one) 
  • Now its Naveen’s turn….Happy Divorce in advance!

I had no idea, Naveen and Azfar let so many random people into their homes, and Chachay Mamu’s dinner parties. What they should be doing is saying this:

It means, I love you.
J.k. Shut up.

 

 

 

People need to keep this judgmental shit to themselves. Stop with the slut shaming, it’ll give you horrible gum disease, and mouth cancer.

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Literature And Other Musings

Howl’s Moving Castle – Book Review


I was fourteen years old when I first came across  Hayao Miyazaki‘s film “Howl’s Moving Castle” featuring the faint inducing, swoon worthy, I will marry his voice talents of Christian Bale. Since I’ve previously enjoyed the films churned out by Studio Ghibli, I decided to watch this one as well.

And Oh God. It was twuu luv.

And hearing Christian Bale’s voice come out of the computer animated – albeit gorgeous – Howl was as if somebody hath given me squirrels from heaven. U SO DAAAMN FINNNNE.

 

 

 

 

 

The movie is based on a book by Diana Wynne Jones. It follows a young woman, Sophie Hatter from “the land of Ingary, where such things as seven-league boots and cloaks of invisibility exist.” The book’s synopsis informs us “…As her younger sisters set out to seek their fortunes, Sophie stayed in her father’s hat shop. Which proved most unadventurous, until the Witch of the Waste came in to buy a bonnet, but was not pleased. Which is why she turned Sophie into an old lady. Which was spiteful witchery.
Now Sophie must seek her own fortune. Which means striking a bargain with the lecherous Wizard Howl. Which means entering his ever-moving castle, taming a blue fire-demon, and meeting the Witch of the Waste head-on.

The book completely drew me in – so much that I was eating my lunch in front of the laptop screen (and that hasn’t happened to any lucky book with me in over a century, I think) I loved the detail put into the characters. Sophie, as an old woman, was bossy and cantankerous – and altogether badass. She kind of reminded me a little of my mother because of her obsession with cleanliness. Howl sums old Sophie up in this dialogue:

“Yes, you are nosy,” said Howl. “You’re a dreadfully nosy, horribly bossy, appallingly clean old
woman. Control yourself. You’re victimizing us all.”

LOL. If I try saying this to my mother…Yeah. No.

What I did find jarring was that Sophie seemed to accept her “old boned, frail” self without much flinching. I mean, if someone turns me into a ninety year old, I’ll find that, oh, I don’t know, distressing, maybe? – even have an apoplectic fit or nervous breakdown.

The fiery fire demon, Calcifier was such an entertaining character – he had some of the best lines in the book. He continuously badgers Sophie to find a way to break the curse (He and Howl are connected – and he is also the reason for Howl’s power and manages the moving castle) However, we are shown intermittently how Calcifier considers each member of the Moving Castle as his family. I liked how each of the characters displayed their flaws so openly – made it much easier for me to identify with them.

And now Howl – I’m so glad that the movie tried to stay true to his book character because he’s such a whiny, drama queen with an effeminate air about him, and that’s exactly why I love him. There is no mysterious hero lurking in the background, no asshole trying to flip ludicrous pick up lines, no Gary Sues trying to fit into the picture. Nothing. Howl is sunshine (I’m legit serious, y’all) He had flaws, but he was also sweet and Sophie and his bantering was, at time, hilarious.
Really, these wizards! You’d think no one had ever had a cold before! Well, what is it?” she asked, hobbling through the bedroom door onto the filthy carpet.
“I’m dying of boredom,” Howl said pathetically. “Or maybe just dying.” – Howl’s Moving Castle

I like how there were some subtle romantic inclination between them which grew as the plot advanced. Another dimension of Howl’s life is presented in the form of nieces and nephews and a sister – which was absent in the movie. So boo.

The writing is simple and flows in a fluid manner. It would be impossible for me not to compare it with the movie though, the film version cuts and improvises several scenes from the book. What I didn’t like was how Sophie viewed herself as plain and ordinary in the movie while in the book, she doesn’t seem to be suffering from any complex. I get it, it’s Disney we’re talking about but seriously, this running theme of “I’m soooo uglaz” needs to be toned down a little.

Also in the book, I felt that the ending was little rushed, that the romance didn’t quite pan out the way I had pictured it – yeah, I’m still enamored with the cute romantic scenes in the film. And Christian Bale’s voice. GIVE HIS VOICE TO MEHH.

The movie takes several elements from the book to carve out a different story than Jones, and both of them have their own charm. Read and/or watch this right now.

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