I want to be cool. Any easy tips? I have been struggling to embrace my inner suaveness for years but alas, it has evaded me.
I thought you wrote: I want to cure cancer. I was starting to get emotional.
Now I’m not.
I get it. You want to be a smooth criminal, and your chai begs to bring all the boys/girls to the yard. Lucky for you, I have a solution. LIKE ALWAYS.
1. Google a list of obscure music (Don’t write this exact same sentence in the search bar, okz) fill it up in your phone/I-pod then blast it around like nobody’s business. Sneer at everybody who asks which artist you are listening to – after all, you have some pretty kickass taste in music. You won’t even come near the Top 10 shizz, puh-leaze. Continue to act smug until you reach safely inside your home. Feel free to unleash Beyonce or Shakira that are in that hidden folder. Your hips are not included in the lying game.
2. Have an opinion about everything.
(“You have five kids? LOL. Clearly, nobody told you about the population crisis. We live on planet Earth, by the way.)
(“So many problems in this country! Of course, I won’t move my sweet ass to do something about it (obvs, my sweet ass is delicate) but I shall continue to pontificate over how dysfunctional our government is on facethebook like a sesquipedalian analyst. Awesome, amiright?”)
There. Run, child. Your new best friends await you. You’re welcome.