College Stuff

How I Graduated (Finally!) and Other Stories


So basically, after this 218637621786278126319 long hiatus, I am here. I think we should start with the most important of the details – yes, I have graduated.

I know if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, it probably looks like that I’ve been in college since the Renaissance era. But it’s done. It’s over. I’m out. 4 years. It was definitely NOT how I imagined it though: Praying to the Lord to take pity on my broken soul and not let me fail the Statistics II course.

Come to think of it, nearly every semester has featured me praying to the Lord to take pity on my broken soul because of some stupid course that’s sinking my ship/ whatever micro particles of pride I have left in me but really, my GPA.

Prayer number 1

Prayer number 1

Prayer number 200209

Prayer number 200209

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Update: I’ve been trying to write this blog since Saturday, and so it’s important to mention that I have a “B” in Stats II. I got to know about that on Monday! It was such a shocker that I just stood there clutching that piece of paper which listed down each course grade; I think I said, “Wut…” before weird guttural sounds emerged from my throat. I may have died for a couple of seconds there and then.

I also had the strange thought of going to my professor’s office and cleansing his closed door with tears of happiness and gratitude.

Anyway, right now, I’m trying to land a job. It’s funny how when you get rid of one problem, another surfaces. But for the time being, I’m going to listen to horrible 90s bands and look adoringly at my thesis hard copy. (It’s beautiful, and I sound so smart in it. For real)

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College Stuff

I See I-Phone 5 Everywhere, Also I’m Getting Old – Wow


I’m sorry for not updating this blog as often as I want to because the semester has officially decided to torture me.

Which means more resentment and hostility coming from here. What joy. Celebrate, y’all.

In other news: I’ve just realized the freshmen are roughly the same age as my little sister – this is totally unacceptable. My bones ache when I see the lot strolling in the cursed university courtyard. I haven’t felt this physically drained since Simon Cowell decided to leave American Idol [which, consequently, led to the massive khoon kharaba (slaughter) of the show]

Also, everybody’s talking about S3s and I-Phone 5 and how they’re going to be buy it even though they already have pretty sick phones, and I’m standing here clutching my ghetto ass loyal Nokia phone from the Roaring Twenties (“OhJesus, that thing is really old, T. Let me shove my wehshi phone in your face, and moan on Face The Book about Slick Phone Problems“)

 

 

 

 

Vom. Stop. Okay?
Also Pakistan doesn’t have 3G or 4G network soo – Yeah, I’ll stick to the relic of a phone I have, thanks.

Anyway, I have to go massage my bunions now, along with trying to come in terms with the fact that my bones are growing old and that every new batch would be younger than the previous one and so God help me, have to continue on with the hate, yes. And graduate. Woot!

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College Stuff

All Hope Abandon Ye


My apologies for the long hiatus, fellow earthlings and the tiny huge group of people who read my blog! Yes, I’m talking about you, my ravishing reader who will not be stalked by angst-ridden squirrels.

The thing that motivated me to get my lazy ass moving and update the blog was when I checked my email. What surprised the socks out of me was that I got a new subscriber! which got me heaving sobs that dear Lord, some beautiful souls, in this world actually read this blog.

Yes, This blog.
What got me around to choosing ‘No’ as a subject were a series of events that culminated in a number of pleasant and unpleasant situations. ‘No’ is such a precarious word with its various implications and for some people like me, it’s hard to just say no to someone. I have a friend who agreed to proof read couple of people’s  work even though she had to finish her own assignment with a deadline looming over her head. However, she just couldn’t say ‘All hope abandon ye who think I’ll do their work’  The same thing happened to me in a very different way.

Extremely evil chick whom I despise:  (lots of useless stuff which I forgot including something about how great my hair looked – FYI, that day, my tresses resembled like it was ravaged by cannibalistic goats): “can you do it?”
Me: …uh, I don’t…know…
EEC: Oh, please! Please, T! Pleeeeaseeee. 
Me (trying hard not to kill myself with the pen): All hope abaa – S…sure?
 

The thing is it took every ounce of me not to lose the semblance of composure there and then. I’m a nice person (No, seriously. I am) but then I end up getting used by people such as EEC.  Anyway, I propose that y’all practice saying ‘No’ to people like EEC because these people will continue to use you even when they write you nice messages on face the book. Hello, I regret to inform you that it is a lie – just a big conspiracy theory to wrap your minds in some weird voodoo ju-ju so you feel like you’re on crack and then wham! You’ve been served.

In other news: OhMyGoodness, I found a song today which I heard two years back but I couldn’t remember the name. This always happens. I always find forgotten songs by accident. This means…This means, I HAZ THE SUPER POWAAH.  Listening now: just for now – Imogen Heap

You infuriate me.

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College Stuff, The Dreary

You’re Too Old to Bully and ‘The’ Checklist.


Britney Spears in her song ”Circus” very astutely described the types of people:

“There’s only two types of people in the world The ones that entertain and the ones that observe,”

(Wow. I just put a song lyric by her)

They’re also, some highly intelligent morons, who entertain themselves at the cost of others. They usually find themselves very funny and beyond everyone else’s sphere of cognizance – even if they don’t, these species act:

a) Cocky as heck.

So yes, when Snotty Princess came strutting by at the doom school, after a weekend of her and I, happily chatting up on the facebooky for the first time; I was in for a big surprise. Facebook, for the record, is absolute baloney. You think people are actually that sweet and nice in real life? I’m sorry to break this terrible news to you – Most of them are not. They are a literal anus in life. Yes. That anus in the human anatomy. So, it hit me like a shock of cold water – not anus – that while, I’m being perfectly candid, Snotty P was so not the candidate for propriety. For starters, if you’ve got an opinion. Wait in line. Don’t just interrupt someone else – as their faces burn in embarrassment – with your own “endearing” dictatorial-esque intellect even if it’s done in “good fun”. I wanted to give you several liver lacerations afterwards- with a pencil.

I lol’d hard after class because A) The heat can totally molest your head. b) After writing, I realize I’m free of lapsing into pensiveness, because the conclusion would always be: Snotty P is a complete witch.

I must jot this down with great sadness; yes, bullying happens in college too.

Also, my week’s checklist which I’m going to follow or  I’m going to bust mine someone’s head.

1. I will try penning down the notes which spill from the Prof’s mouth, no matter how bland the subject.

2. I will stop listening to Death Metal, to counter the depressive streak that has inflamed suddenly inside of me since hearing the countless profanities in ghoulish or Gollum – whatever it is called, is not helping.

3. I will continue using the amazing ability of controlling my facial muscles when that E-Sush comes floucing by, and thinks I’m always trying to be such a know-it-all. What is this? 4th grade?

4. I will stop thinking of the transvestite in the play.

5. I’m not going to hate studying in my college. AGAIN.

6. Oh God. I think I would break rule 5 like in the next minute. Just did it.

7. Public Skills. ASAP.

8. Think it’s better to show people you’re a bad witch so they can’t walk all over you like THAT INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED WITH ME. If you heckle me again, so God help me, I’ll certainly neuter you for sure, and then donate your eggs to sharks someone.

P.S: Some of you found this blog by searching for “Bdmaash Boys” . I  mean really? *Arches eyebrow* Bdmaash boys? Is this a local movie I missed? Rawr.

Listening now: Children of Bodom -Tie my Rope

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College Stuff

It’s Just Peachy that We Get So Much Work Aimed To Kill A Whale


I’m honestly so tired, it’s a wonder I can pound my fingers over the keys. It’s been two weeks since I started my sojourn in College land. While I’m thrilled with the amount of work load aimed to kill even a whale, It’s kind of sad, I don’t get to blog as much and read everyone’s perky, enticing blog posts about how you managed to make the perfect apple pie or euthanize your cat cetera cetera. Y’know fun stuff! Anyhooo, the first days of college were really depressing, I can’t really put my finger exactly where I hated it most because then I need to have…uhhh fifteen twenty fingers at least?

Everybody here seems to have such a sartorial grace about them. It’s kind of like watching Animal Fashion Planet – with humans of course.

A Serious Case of Faaaishon Faux Pas

Also, there is a desperate urge to correct someone’s incorrect behavior. If you don’t like something, hell yeah voice your opinion. We live in a goddamn democracy after all. I’m so happy, I came here.

I have a quiz on Tuesday – This one better be good than today’s disastrous one. I literally wrote nothing except mostly to show the professor how stupid and uncouth I am. Hey, at least I didn’t have to try so hard, right?

 

Listening now: Cold – Stupid girl.

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