So, I decided to analyze some music videos since I had nothing better to do. It’s Summer, whaddaya expect? I’m sorry, I won’t be taking my yacht along with my private jet to spend some quality vacations in Venice or Sydney, sipping a drink this time.
Anyhoo, I watched Katy Perry’s bright, cringe inducing video of T.G.I.F which was supposed to have Katy Perry’s alter ego ”Kathy Beth Terry” a fictitious, nerdy 13 year old trapped in Katy Perry’s body (This is already giving me palpitations.) Remember, she’s only 13. Thirteen. Will you remember this? Good. Let’s go.
00.03 – Oh, how charming! Serene suburbs with light filtering in through the windows, a boy pedaling away – Very nice.
Also, just noticed the video is 8 minutes long. Dun Dun Dun Dun.
00.21 – A chicken? Yay!
and then Kathy kicks it across the room! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
00.26 – Whoa! Her room is worse than mine. Bunch of random dudes lying comatose with festoons of paper thrown all over the walls, the closet, over the bed. Yep, definitely worse than mine. Oh, and a guy sitting in the corner with tape wrapped around him looks dead.
00:30 – She speak-eth! Don’t speak, Kathy Beth Terry. Please. It is grating on my delicate nerves, and they might –
Too late now.
00:32: it’s the guy from Glee! HOMGHOMGHOMGHOMG! Darren Criss, let’s run away together into the sunset…
I’m serious. I will find you.
00:46 – “Best party ever, WHOO! ” – Oh Darren, my one and only true love. *Replays the same clip over and over.
00:52 – Shot of dead guy wrapped in tape again. Only, there’s a pink stuffed toy on his lap and a yellow lion on his shoulder – ILLUMINATI REFERENCE! *Gasp*
Just Kidding! Or maybe…
00:57 – There’s a stranger in my bed…I thought she was 13?
01:05 – I smell like a mini bar … What kind of debauchery is taking place in here? Sounds like mah jam, peeps! Count me in! I love drunk people.
J.k! Alcohol is totally Haraam. Lol. See you in the pits of inferno.
01:13 – …That’s disgusting and did I mention she’s supposedly 13.
01:29 – Partaaaay time, y’all! and Kathy is doing Suduko puzzles which is sad because there are many people getting wasted and nothing is more pure or natural than seeing slurred speech and awkward dance moves.
01:47 – ZOMG! It’s Rebecca Black! Like that friday girl! Like that ”which seat can I taaaakkeee?” girl ! Like that …okay, I know you got it.
01:59 – Black doesn’t look like a 13 year old either. There are several disturbing and creepy comments on the Youtube video affirming that. All I can say is the number of pedophiles are a whole lot more than what everyone thinks.
02:01 – It’s Artie from Glee! who indulges in several disturbing fantasies which include Kathy. *Automatically skips a couple of seconds.
02:48 – Makeover time!
03:10 – Nerdy to Hottie – Grown Woman Hottie that is. She looks like one of the kids’ mum walked in – looking ridiculously out-of-place; Uncanny resemblance to a brace wearing horse.
I just insulted the entire family of horses. Blasphemy.
03:40 – I still can’t grasp the fact that it’s Rebecca Black right there. How much more of this Friday mania do we have to bear? Isn’t the impending doom enough where we are all going to be eaten by savage goats? Seriously though, they should pass a bill or something.
04:21 – Vomiting and fighting ensues. Ew. If only they can bring a shot of Jigsaw from SAW here dragging all of them to his lair – and then maybe amputating one or two of their limbs…
05:12 – Her parents are awfully supporting. Is this all a dream? Could it be the figment of her imagination? Nope. Totally real. I’m sure the local asylum is missing two of their patients. Wasn’t that supposed to be in the story line?
I can’t see any more of this. I’m afraid, I have lost the power to go through with this fest of color and underage drinking and you-know-what. Songs are all about Fridays now, sadly.